Happy Mother's Day

This is the time of year to thank the ones who gave us birth.

On a related note, I'm well aware it's nowhere near Mother's Day.

Enjoy.

Wow, does your mommy know your traveling on your own??

So I absolutely never sit next to a hot girl on a plane ride. This is usually because I typically ride Southwest where you can pick you own seats and I come off a little too desperate; no one wants to sit next to a guy with a hard-on. Well finally my dreams have come true. I was parked next to a fantastically attractive blonde, mostly because it was a Delta flight.

So this flight was exactly 22 minutes long; God's greatest ironic doing. So I got 22 minutes to really impress this broad; showtime! Turns out I had a crossword puzzle so what rascally nerd just turned into an educated professional. So I pull out the pen; I pull out the book and roll through that mother from boarding to about 5 minutes into the flight; did I say educated professional genius?

You'd be amazed how fast good goes to shitstorm.

After I finished the puzzle, I close the book and glaring the fuck back at me are the words "Easy: Fast and Fun". Granted these are the same puzzles we've been doing all these years. These really made me feel like a turd; the letters couldn't be any bigger or brighter. I looked like a retard; so that mixed with the crossword puzzle thing, things were not going well for me. This conversation went on in my head...

Oh that's a nice book you have there. Did you do it all on your own?
Yes ma'am. All by myself.
Wow, does your mommy know your traveling on your own??
Fuck you.

Immediately all my confidence shriveled into my tatter nuts and I felt about as big as them.

I totally gave up on this broad that I had no intentions of getting to know in the first place. Her copy of "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang". The fucking nerve of this broad. Bring that book on a plane. Like fucking hide that. In case you don't know about this book, it's written by Chelsea Handler (which I had to google). She's a female COMEDIAN (that's a joke) and late night television host, or some shit. I fucking HATE female comedians. Sooooo much!

So lady on the plane. Fuck you and your whack style, man.