Jersey What!?!?!

Drove to Jersey this weekend. Had to snap a pic of this.

Flynn's Wedding: A Tatter's Story (Chapter 3: Holland)

Moving from London to Holland was a short journey made long. The plane ride was 40 minutes, the delay at the airport was 4 hours. EasyJet didn't have a plane for our journeyers. To compensate for this, they issued Samwise, Tatdo, and Waldoff credits for 3 Euros each. This could almost pay for a snack that Southwest airlines give for free.

Arriving in Amsterdam, our travelers realized that to protect the ring, they needed to split up. So Waldoff went off to a hostel and Samwise and Tatdo headed over to the Eden American hotel. (www.edenamsterdamamericanhotel.com/). This hotel was located in Leidseplein, a district of Amsterdam. The hotel room was the typical "small as fuck" hotels popular in Europe. It is a very friendly, touristy, part of Amsterdam. From the balcony, our travelers were privy to live music and a plethora of bars and eateries. The coffee shops in the surrounding areas were closed for the night, as it was close to 1am (bars closing at 5am) so Samwise and Tatdo were forced to merely get drunk. After a few free shots, some Murphy's Irish Red, and Tabasco sauce, the group was in a state of delirium with a mix of projectile vomiting.

The next day, the two made their way to a place to get some coffee. They couldn't find the Prancing Pony but did find a place called De Rokery. This place had a very mellow atmosphere and a decent selection of pipeweed and hash, even Old Toby. The finest weed in the South Farthing. After staging there for a few hours, Waldoff followed. It was dim and only the inane giggling of Samwise and Tatdo made Waldoff to find our travelers. After some Doner Kebabs and pancakes. They went for a canal trip in an attempt to lose Brentum. On the canal trip, located right outside the Eden American hotel, they saw the Heineken brewery, Anne Frank's house, some slanted houses, and the smallest house in Amsterdam, which was only a doorway thick. Also, the guy giving the tour totally started a fight with another boat and rammed into him; that was sweet.

After the canal ride they met up with Perejob Took and Merrierin Brandybuck. They went up to the travelers hotel room and relaxed, so to speak, and took off to the red light district. First thing to note abotu the red light district is that the hookers are hot as hell. Secondly, the coffee houses, at least the one we went to, was shady as hell. I don't eve n know the name of it but after uttering the words "I feel fucked up", Perejob Took pulled out a move from Don Flemenco, and went face first in the street. His friends scrambling for help, Perejob came to, and after that, the group basically had enough of Holland. The next day included some beers and relaxing.

Feeling Brentum drawing near, they decided to split up again to try and confuse Brentum. Samwise and Tatdo headed to Munich by train and the rest headed to Rome by plane.

Flynn's Wedding: A Tatter's Story (Chapter 2: London)

After leaving Iceland, the fellowship moved onto London, England only to find that nearby, in Brussels, Belgium another creature was close on their tale that went by the name of Brentum.

London was atrocious. The hostel we stayed at had 6 people in it and it was like fucking 100 degrees in there. We spent the night in Leicester Square around Coventry Street. The place was pretty beat actually. We went to a handful of bars and got reasonable drunk by the end of the night.

I'm not a huge fan of England and all. We hit up the London Eye; which is a big ass fucking ferris wheel in the heart of London. Here's the thing about the London Eye. It take about 10 years to get your ticket. Then it takes another 20 years to make your way through the line. They check your backpack and purses before getting on the ferris wheel. My suggestion is this: There aren't any bathrooms while you are waiting in line and you can't bring booze on the trip. Pound a shit-ton of liquor prior to going on this fucker. You buy the tickets before getting in line for the ferris wheel. There aren't any bars in the area so you might have to buy a bottle before going on this. Also, Cadbury discontinued Fingers of Fudge; so don't waste your time looking for them. The London Eye does give you good shots of Parliment (minus the Funkadelic), Big Ben and other shit people find profound. It was at this time the three, Wallagrim Took, Tatdo Butagins, and Samwise Plumgee found their nemesis, Rat Tail. This fucking kid got on our last nerve. First off, he had a rat tail. And secondly, he had a fucking rat tail. The goddamn nerve. I wanted to smack him AND his parents. Rumor has it that he was adopted and his parents were raised by goddamn fucking apes! Like, what the fuck!?! Rat tails? In this day and age?

During the ferris wheel trip, the cart got to a temperature of 1 zillion degrees Kelvin or "hot as balls" Centigrade to the layman. Like how could it be legal to have a cart that hot, seriously? Needless to say, the fellowship noticed that Brentum was close on their track and they had to get the fuck out of Dodge! So they hightailed it the fuck outta England and made their way to Amsterdam where they would, no doubt, lose Brentum and continue their journey.

Will they be safe in Amsterdam?

Flynn's Wedding: A Tatter's Story (Chapter 1: Iceland)

So.

This is a story of a man named Tatdo Butaggins and his friend Samwise Plumgee. They went off on a journey in search of Mount Groom with something involving a ring.

They took off in the middle of the afternoon for a Boston Airport in Bagend on their pilgrimage to Iceland. They arrived after a 4 hour flight on a dragon which was pretty rad cuz it wasn't that late at all. It was a little rainy and took a fucking bus to a bus station outside Reykjavik. It was looking bleak for our handsome, yet tired travelers. When they got to the bus station they asked some broad how to get to downtown, cuz they took a bus to "downtown" and this clearly wasn't it. From there they took a cab ride to an arbitrary location in downtown Reykjavik. (For future reference, its only like a 15 minute walk away and it not needed). When they arrived downtown they did their best to blend in with the locals.

They found a hostel which was right downtown for about 35$ per person per night. The room had a private bathroom and was very spacious. Can't find the name of the place...so sorry about that. It was too early to check in so Samwise and myself went off to a Koffitar, which is a coffee chain. It was some wireless and some good coffee and carrot cake. They people were nice. (http://www.kaffitar.is/)

We left our bags at the hostel and headed off to the Blue Lagoon. The Blue Lagoon is a naturally heated lagoon located about a 30 minutes drive from downtown Reykjavik. It costs about 50$ to get there and get admitted to the Lagoon. The water is about 90 degrees and the water is clean. It is not clear; you can only see about 6 inches below the surface. Silica get congeals on the rocks and the workers harvest it and you put that shit on your fucking face to exfoliate or something. You can believe how fucking bright this lagoon is. They also have about 5 saunas there. The furthest left is a cave design and is totally legit. You can rent towels there and there are changing rooms with free lockers but be prepared to see some serious balls. Fucking Europeans.

We got back to downtown Reykjavik and hit up the streets. The streets are really nice and the city itself was not too busy. They seem to get down on seafood, which i suppose makes sense. We didn't do much shopping but partook in some of the watering holes. These places ranged from a bar featuring a Terminator 2 pinball machine to a bar where we saw 4 bands play Icelandic music. Some of the local beers tasted was Viking, Thule, and Kaldi. All of them will get you drunk. Our travelers ended the night at some bar and the thing is that it got a little fuzzy. I will tell you that there's was a well of fortune. Essentially you pay 250 Krone (2$) and they spin the wheel sitting above the bar. Less than half of the results are "You Lose", the rest includes things like "8 Beers", "a meter of beer", "two shots", etc. Unfortunately, for our travelers, we had lost both times; however, we were fucking drunk. We chatted it up with some locals and then there were these two broads that started touching themselves, which I thought was pretty cool. THEY were pretty cool. Then the one's boyfriend showed up and the bar closed, so they gave out plastic cups for people to pour their remaining beer in so they can take the beer home with them. Clever.

The thing about Reykjavik is that during the summer solstice, you have four hours or night, during the winter, 4 hours of daylight. So the sun went down around 11:00 PM, immediately after the night got dark, the sun proceeded to rise.

We seized the day after that and headed off for some mild sightseeing and to get back to the bus station. A large church whose significance is unimportant was located a short walk from downtown and visible from the bus station. I guess they hold mass there and some people could get married there. However, it looks like a cool place to play laser tag. We continued the trek down to the bus station and saw a pretty rad fountain. also. He actually holding a fish, but you get the idea.

But Iceland was wonderful. It was the only part of our trip plagued with rain, but the cool wet air in contrast with the Blue Lagoon made it very enjoyable. Stuff was relatively cheap. Coffee houses were nice and relaxing. They have plenty of things to do, such as horseback riding around the volcanoes and hiking up mountains and shit.

With the eye of Sauron drawing near, our travelers must flee Iceland for safer passage.

Where will they go???